Why didn't someone tell me?

Things You Should Know About Being a Pastor's Wife...

1. Pastor's wife is synonymous with many careers: private family photographer, free babysitter, therapist (free, unlimited time), cook, hostess, mediator, substitute teacher, money counter, copy maker, and even church decorator.

2. You will sometimes need to be a wide receiver. No, you won't play football, but you will tackle that one difficult church member every single week before they get to your husband during the invitation. That way your poor preaching husband can pray with other people and lead people to Christ. Don't think this job is unnecessary. After 13 straight weeks of your husband talking with this one person for the entire invitation, you will have to put on your tackling gear and just man up. Your husband will be forever grateful and the other church members will appreciate your sacrifice too.

You, on the other hand, will simply pin that person down at the altar and listen to her troubles (which include things like "My mom told me I was crazy this week" and "My back hurts" and "I think I have a bladder infection") for 7 verses of "Just As I Am" and then you will promise her free therapy for the rest of her life if she will please just call you instead of taking up your husband's entire altar call. (Don't judge me, people.)

3. You will sometimes wear panty hose, no matter how much you hate them, just to avoid dirty looks from the older ladies.

4. There will be moments when being in the ministry is a mountain top experience, but there are also valleys. Like when you run late for church and you realize that the parking lot full of people heard the parsonage chaos. Suddenly you think you shouldn't have been yelling at your poor children to "Get your shoes NOW" or "We are late. What will that deacon say this time?!!"

5. People always think they know you as an intimate friend. You may not know their name, but they think they are automatically entitled to intimacy on the level of a close relative simply because you are the pastor's wife.

6. Your husband's entire week can hinge on how Sunday morning worship goes. Because of this, you will single handedly take out anyone with a compliant or "concern" on Sunday mornings. Because if they will just hold off 24 hours, it could impact the next 7 days for you and your family.

7. Always lock your doors. Because church members don't always knock.

8. When the parsonage is under renovation, don't assume that the construction workers will ring the doorbell before entering in the mornings. In fact, you better close your bedroom door when you change clothes because otherwise, one of the deacon's sons just might see you topless. (Oh yes, I know this one from experience, ya'll. I KNOW.) Because deacons' sons DO NOT knock. Ever. Period. Which is why you should see #7. You should print it on neon colored paper and tape it to your forehead so you don't forget.

9. If given the choice, reject a master copy of the church's keys. Your preacher man might think you need one. The deacons might think you deserve one. But trust me, girl. You don't need one. It will only lead to trouble. Just picture this: you finally get the children down for a nap. The house is calm and quiet for the first time in two weeks. And then the doorbell rings because dear Miss Glenda forgot her great grandmother's casserole dish in the fellowship hall and she needs it so she can make another one of her famous green bean casseroles for next month's fellowship. It's urgent, you know. Because casseroles take a full 30 days to bake. And you will need to wake up your children (if the doorbell didn't already wake them) and go unlock the church so the lost casserole dish can be redeemed.

10. No matter how crazy it gets living life "in the fishbowl", it is always worth it. 100% of the time. When you lay down your head at night, just before the phone starts ringing at 3 AM, you will feel incredibly fulfilled that you are doing just what God has asked you to do with your life. And then when you answer the phone, and your sweet little friend from #3 wants you to hear the details of her ingrown toe nail, you can just smile and elbow your husband in the ribs. Because if there is only one thing you need to know about being a pastor's wife, it is this...

Sometimes it is HIS turn. After all, HE is the pastor. You're just his wife.